Making Gay Friends and satisfy women: the best Guide to Successful Queer Socializing | Autostraddle

Y’all possess some issues meeting gay men and women. We all know this simply because so long as we have now had homogay ‘internet presences’ you’ve been asking united states learning to make queer friends/meet ladies. We Have
responded you, regularly

But apparently perhaps not sporadically adequate:

Although Laneia is confident she is the only lesbian in Phoenix (I’m positive it is not so, somebody please back me upwards for the comments), many of us right here on Team Autostraddle have a relatively healthy posse of queer buddies. Or perhaps it seems that means whenever we assemble for homogay events/marches/parties/prides tri-annually.

We feel totally fortunate because of this and we have now decided to get the troops and answer the question “how would we satisfy some other queers?” for good.

First Of All:

+ if you are searching for a remedy on concern “how do you hit on chicks?”, we an article regarding:

Simple tips to Collect Chicks


+ wondering “How can I date a chick?” We’ve articles for the:

10 Simple Procedures For Correctly Courting a Lesbian


+ interested in getting a woman to sleep more than? Coincidentally, we have a write-up for that, as well:

8 Steps Every Girl usually takes to obtain a woman to Sleep Over


+ contemplating discussing a particular snack together with your unique brand-new friend/’special’ pal?

Top 10 Cookies


Do you want? Why don’t we start.



: GET A JOB! No truly. Go get employment. It does not have even getting
a gay work
. Though I Have had those. Jobs into the right globe are teeming with undercover gays. If you see a printer jam, wait approx 2 mins and most likely a gay girl will arrive to fix. If you ask me, routine ol’ tasks commonly best places in order to satisfy some other homosexual girls, whether for friendsies, FWB, or potential partner material. If there are thinner pickins’ at Your Job, every healthier.

Fit for a Femme

: Hang out in which your buddies function, if applicable. Some one I know just met a pretty thing to chew on by doing this recently.


: If
the work colleagues know you’re a homogay
, they’ll almost surely try to familiarizes you with or set you up and their gay cousin/sister/bff/roommate/etc.

Shows for Queer Musicians



I have found many my queer pals at
. Gay ladies tend to be rather intent on promoting their unique neighborhood homosexual performers, so get take a look at certain programs. In the event the community has an all-female group then that is an excellent place to start, their own shows is going to be filled up with prospective queer buddies. I always believe it is easiest to manufacture buddies aided by the performers on their own as you currently have a reason to hit upwards a conversation with these people: to tell them you loved their unique tv show. Inquire further once they’re playing then, and visit that certain too. Merely hold appearing.

Join any Club/Team That May

Perhaps you have as a Member

Intern Hot Laura


Have you got a

motorcycle co-op

in your area? I gamble you will do, and I guess you can find a bunch of adorable girls playing around with bicycle fat on their noses. Even although you you should not meet anybody, you are able to learn how to create a bike which can be a lot like holding around a lighter in case a lovely woman wants a light just better because you will come their own their own recovery and correct their own broken tire.


: Join a

publication club


composing party


Do-it-yourself picture taking workshop

– in reality, Do-it-yourself any such thing would work.


Go right to the

roller derby

Every one of the queer ladies are in the roller derby. Them all. Roller derby is actually wall-to-wall lesbians and I also’ve seen many girls hit right up brand new relationships while watching a game. It is fairly easy accomplish since if there is one thing that roller derby fans love, it really is sharing their own knowledge of the overall game with novices. Anytime there is a team in your city, go see all of them perform. Saddle up beside a small grouping of sexy girls into the committing suicide chairs (where all the really serious enthusiasts stay) and get them to explain the policies to you. I think you are going to make some new buddies in no time.

On the net

We’ve reported the net several times given that simplest way to meet up various other gays. Obviously here is the net, so we’re biased, but we’ve discovered nearly all of all of our friends below, or via Riese’s past blogs (this is where almost all of the team arises from — readers of the woman web log as well as the buddies she came across through those people, etc).
We notice OKCupid is actually a thing
, in addition.

Intern Emily


Discover somebody on autostraddle who life near you. Provide them with the mail. Opt for a walk. Walks are free of charge.


: It could be various today, but back when I found myself a child (23) we taken care of immediately an advertisement on craigslist w4w by a girl just who mentioned she was actually bi, went to Columbia, played soccer, liked ‘420′ and needed different looking for bi girls going on with and be buddies and brave the terrifying queer globe with each other. Initially we met it was absurdly uncomfortable nonetheless it got increasingly much better completely to “more comfy than i’m with anyone, actually.” We’ve been through quite a bit together — many life phases! — so we’re however buddies today, and it is through the woman intrepid web friend-gathering that we came across Lainy, whom met my
now-best-friend Haviland
on friendster and then invited the lady to something I found myself additionally at, which is the way I found Haviland. So! The point of this is certainly:
craigslist could be anything
? The answer to it being non-intimidating had been that we both earnestly wanted brand new friends, yannow?


: Find a queer lady whom produces a web log with lots of emotions and send her emails regarding the emotions. Browse guides. After queer girl with a blog starts an online magazine, help the lady. Accost people on gchat. When the queer girl with a blog provides events and introduces you to the woman friends, end up being great to them and state situations with your mouth and eyes. If an individual ones is very nice, write them a contact and get their own friend. Be really sincere and get most anti-anxiety medicine. Aren’t getting an alternate way of life haircut unless you genuinely wish to. Purchase a minumum of one v-neck. Smile.

Intern Emily

Start a blog
. Write in it for 2 years. Get a 3-day hiatus and then ask for people in the area to email you.


Begin a blog
create a webpage
immediately after which hire people to end up being your pals free of charge.


Put “queer-friendly” or “LGBT friendly” inside craigslist post and girls may come a-runnin’, with lots of homosexual buddies of one’s own in tow. You eliminate like 40 birds with one rock and may pay attention to Tegan & Sara



In A Ladies’ Studies/Gender Reports Course

You can check away this directory site of
LGBT/Queer Studies programs
at universities everywhere in the country! Also you should participate in class. The girls which participate are the hottest.



Women’s researches classes are a good destination to fulfill women: everybody’s mostly a feminist currently so you’re able to have brainsexy discussions, which are an excellent option for continuing in pubs after course. See yourself with those hot profs, however.

At the LGBT Campus Group in college or university or High School

This is Taylor’s NYU LGBT Cluster


: In university, before I happened to be extremely out or strongly determined, I started nervously attending some events used by the school’s LGBT workplace. Quickly onward a year and that I had been operating on-campus queer courses every week, and I also’d scored a vast posse of enthusiastic forward-thinking activist gays, the same as that! Before we worked for our LGBT company we believed super bashful at queer events, therefore if your own college provides a dynamic LGBT business, considering joining or using and diving right in. The LGBT workplace turned into one minute residence, which had been great for between-class naps and meeting hotties, however.

Intern Emily

: Go to your class’s queer club. It’ll be embarrassing. You will carry on a lunch date with a cute girl who brings the woman sweetheart. You could make some friends though.

Gay Bars and Gay Events!

Certainly this might be an overwhelming situation, but plenty of getting-to-know-other-girls at these pubs wont take place with one first embarrassing see. You have to return. And get back. And return back. And eventually you should have no choice but feeling comfy indeed there, since it is a location you decide to go plenty. After that maybe you will speak to strangers or get 25 visitors to kiss you for your 25th birthday celebration. It’s a thing, you can keep rating on the arm with a pen. If you live in new york,
GO Magazine comes with the many thorough, up to date bar/event lists

Intern Emily

: head to a homosexual bar. Get truly drunk and speak to everybody.


When you are at the homosexual bar or lesbian evening, could consider thoughts like ‘nobody right here would like to talk to me personally’ or ‘everyone right here has actually a gf’ or ‘why are lesbians therefore daunting’ and also you must curb all of those feelings and protect all of them with a brand new feeling hence brand-new sensation is ‘what’s the worst thing that happen, I’ll get denied?’ and I also KNOW I UNDERSTAND I UNDERSTAND that seems petrifying, like being declined could be the worst thing that could actually ever occur as a human existence. But it is in fact perhaps not — your own confidence is sexier than the ensemble will ever end up being, and women are so strange and also numerous issues/reasons to probably decline you which you can’t simply take any one getting rejected individually. Merely create eye contact. Say hi. It does not have to be intimate. Picture your self inside her shoes and consider the manner in which you’d desire this lady to approach you.


: do not a scaredy cat! Go to a bar/club/show alone. In reality, this is why I met my wife 5.68 in years past.

Some General Guidelines


Sarah Croce

: I was previously bashful. My response? Grow moobs. Determine what rocks in regards to you and confidently hit upwards conversations with random folks. They don’t really have to be homosexual. Frequently you will discover the majority of girls tend to be bi, or interesting, or have actually homosexual buddies. Right people love to tell you obtained gay buddies and additionally they usually think you will want to hook-up with these people like there’s some sort of homosexual drought as well as in order to succeed and save yourself the lesbian battle all of us need to mate feverishly. It’s like they don’t really know we can’t procreate. And constantly ask exactly how lesbians have sex.


Start Modest, Develop a Lesbian Posse:

Jess R

: Create your own Lesbian Posse. You merely require 1 or 2 additional homosexual friends to begin – tell them to ask added queers they know (if you don’t have all other homosexual pals – they actually do!) and prepare little occasions for yourselves like supper at an apartment, movie evening, bowling night, ski/hiking excursion, etc. create a weekly thing and that means you usually have something to enjoy so that as the days go-by the lesbian cellphone tree increases longer and longer and after a few several months you should have your very own Lesbian Posse.


End Up Being Brave:

Intern Emily

: sadly, satisfying new people means you should be brave and method all of them and communicate with all of them and find things to discuss and fork out a lot of the time obsessing regarding what to put on, etc. It is a lot of social stress and anxiety and also you must take some pills regarding, additionally, you think good after.


Be Traditional and Venture Away From The Safe Place:


: Get outside your own rut. We notice lots of girls worrying regarding how it is yet people, equivalent women, wah-wah-wah. Drive to a nearby town, take that train underwater, cycle it, bus it, but do not be prepared to satisfy brand new, interesting women by-doing alike shit that containsn’t worked for up until now.

In addition, end up being traditional. Imagine there’s really no internet and remember just what it’s like to be courteous and grateful and real IRL, and expand real invites and cultivate real lasting friendships. It isn’t difficult for points to fall through breaks with internet-based associations; they should be nurtured for reals. Becoming conventional reminds us all a small amount of what must be done to maintain the sorts of connections that people desire!


Gays are almost everywhere:


: Remember in

The Wizard of Oz

in which Dorothy realizes that what she needed was at the woman backyard/home/heart the time? You will be a gay person, therefore love to do things/go places. Odds are different homosexual people in addition enjoy these things/places and tend to be probably currently there! Search your own job/library/capoeira class/favorite coffeeshop/yarn store/whatever and most likely you’ll find queer people here. Like really, if there are more than 10 people in this building its mathematically totally possible that might be another person there who’s additionally a big gaymo. You just need to be fearless and speak to individuals and never end up being bashful about becoming homosexual your self; they are going to probably be extremely relieved and respond in sort.


Prior to going!

It costs cash to create indie queer mass media, and honestly, we require even more users to exist 2023

As thanks for REALLY maintaining all of us live, A+ members get access to bonus content material, additional Saturday puzzles, and a lot more!

Will you join?

Terminate whenever.

Join A+!